We Did It!
Ok, I know it has been almost two months since I posted last - sorry to those of you who come by and check my blog.
First off - Happy New Year! 2008, a momentous year for many reasons is behind us, 2009 is filled with new hope, new promises and plenty of broken resolutions! I know I have several that I do plan on keeping, one of which is to get back into training for the triathlon. December was a 'bad' month in that I slacked on the training to focus on horse riding. We were given a horse at the beginning of December and I have been spending inordinate amounts of time at the stable riding our Thoroughbred-Quarter Horse mix. Espresso is a delight and the whole family has enjoyed being at the stables, riding, grooming, bathing and just spending time with one of God's magnificent creatures. Here is Espresso:
In other news - I had blogged in November about 101 days of sex, although in our case we decided it would have to be 102 days in order to ring in the New Year in the best way! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! Terry and I completed our 'mission' this morning! Without sounding trite and cutesy, I will say it has been one of the best things we have done for our marriage, for our family and for ourselves.
Not every day was easy, although 99% of the time it was. One night about a month ago Terry had a migraine. Recently I had strep throat which made me feel less than glamourous, but through it all we made it! When Terry had his migraine I sent him to bed to sleep it off for a while and then I came in and woke him up. When I had strep throat we just made sure we didn't kiss! There were a handful of nights where the thought of going to bed, reading for a few minutes and then turning out the light sounded far more appealing than the alternative.
However the days of anticipation, the days of having fun, the days of enjoyment far outweigh the 'blah' days. And I discovered something that I know has been talked about in ladies magazines since time immemorial - having sex does make you feel better! There were a couple of times I had a headache. Pre-102 days I would have begged off sex, taken a couple of Ibuprofen and gone to bed. But instead I focused my husband and our pleasure and whammo - wouldn't you know it - headache gone!
Not only that but whether my appearance has changed or not, I 'feel' sexier! My appearance has changed too though. I have lost weight, become more toned and am definitely more limber. I think it is a cycle - I wanted to be desirable to Terry, so I began to work out; and because of the work outs I feel sexier, which gives me the incentive to work out, which makes having fun in the bedroom easier...
I mentioned in my November blog that one of the biggest benefits has been seen outside of the bedroom - in the area of communication. Terry and I have actively worked on our communication skills over the years; especially in the last two years. But like all couples we come at things from different angles and it is easy to be on the same side of the argument and not even realise it! However, there is something about sexual intimacy that opens up all channels of communication. Plenty of sex does not equal sexual intimacy, don't get me wrong. Porn stars have plenty of sex, but they're not intimate with the people they're having sex with - it is just an act for them. Sexual intimacy develops over time and is more than just a romp in the bedroom! It encompasses all aspects of one's married life.
Since beginning our 102 days of sex in September Terry and I have had exactly three disagreements. And I am not talking arguments or voices-raised-I-am-really-mad-at-you arguments, but small "I thought you said/meant/wanted such-and-such" type disagreements. For two people who are talkers and who have differing viewpoints on issues, that is almost a miracle!
Some may think that the reason for so few disagreements is the idea that you want to keep the peace so that you don't spoil the mood. That might partly be the case, but does not hold true for me. If I am upset then sex will not be enjoyable. And seeing the idea of 102 days of sex was to enjoy ourselves, what is the point of having sex just to keep score? "Yep, 51 down, 51 to go, but I am hating every minute of it!" What's the point of that?
No, the biggest reason we get along so well these days is because we truly communicate on many levels. The sexual odyssey deepened other aspects of our marriage, and cemented our love for one another and our commitment to one another. There are subtle changes in our relationship - a new kind of thoughtfulness has crept in. I don't know how many of you have read the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, but I think that is a book all married couples should read! My primary love language is gifts. Over the years it has been hit and miss for Terry in that aspect. More miss than hit actually! At the beginning of 2008 he really began to improve, but it is during these 102 days he really 'got it'. In the past he couldn't understand why I would get upset when I'd see him buy stuff for himself, and never for me (unless it was my birthday or Christmas). A couple of years ago he come home with some flowers for me and the kids panicked thinking they'd forgotten my birthday! We'd actually have arguments about it because for years because I felt so unappreciated. His attitude used to be, "Well. Just go buy it yourself if you want the darn thing so much." He couldn't see that if he bought it for me (whatever 'it' was) it would mean more, and show me that he was thinking of me. He has become really good at it now. When he goes to the bookstore to buy a magazine, he picks up a book for me. If he goes to the grocery store for groceries, he'll buy a card for me. Those gestures are so meaningful.
I too have realised that his primary love language is words of affirmation, and not just in the privacy of our home, but out in public. No man wants to hear his wife belittle him in front of people. I have never knowingly done that (I know better!) but I have made the effort to actively praise him in front of friends and family - and it is not false praise either. I truly feel blessed to be married to Terry - he loves God with his whole heart, he sacrifices for his family, he works hard to provide for us, he loves his kids so very much, he is compassionate, he is exceptionally gifted and talented, he is witty, smart, bright and most of all, he is MINE!
Some of my friends who knew that we had embarked on this adventure and have said, "Oh. I could never do that!" You don't know until you try! Don't allow the excuses to pile up - 'I'm too tired, too busy, too fat, too upset, too sick, too..." - Just Do It! We did - even with our five kids, our home-based businesses, our church commitments, and everyday activities that accompany all of the above.
I am not sure what we will do next - I do know however that our lives will never be the same again! The things we've learnt about each other, the communication skills we've acquired, the deepened understanding we have for one another are valuable treasures that neither one of us will take for granted.
Stay tuned - knowing us and our penchant for the unexpected we'll come up with something!
Labels: 101 days, 102 days, communication, Espresso, Five Love Languages, kids, sex, Terry
101 Days of What??
"So, do you think it will be like chocolate?" My friend Cynthia asked me recently, "You know, where either you get sick of it, or the more you have of it the more you crave it?"
"I don't know," I replied, "I'll let you know."
And now, 46 days into our 'experiment' I can confidently say I definitely fall into the latter category - I crave 'it'.
Crave what? Chocolate?
No. Sex.
Let me explain:
On August 19th Fox News carried
this story. I was so intrigued by it that I said to Terry, "Hey, wanna try it?" His eyes lit up once he read the story too. Of course, I had just given birth seven days earlier so starting the adventure was out of the question, but it gave us time to plan.
While I was pregnant I had already planned (and paid for) a romantic weekend away for Terry and I to Port Royal. I would be 5 weeks post-partum then and we decided that would be a great time to start our 101 Day odyssey. In doing the calculations I realised that 101 days takes us to New Year's Eve.
I haven't told too many people about our 101 Days, but I did tell Cynthia, Xavier's mother. "You can't stop on New Year's Eve," she exclaimed, "You have to ring in the New Year the right way!" She's perfectly correct of course, so really this should be titled 102 days, but we are following the title of the book!
So, how does this relate to chocolate? Any couple who has been married any length of time knows that their sex life can vary from day to day and from week to week. Sometimes it is erotic, passionate and breath-taking, a foreign rich, exotic dark chocolate, not taken lightly and not brought out every day. Other times it starts out as one thing and ends up being something completely different - a random blindfold-pulling from the mixed chocolate box; perhaps The Three Musketeers lands up on the evening chocolate plate - light-hearted and airy; another time it might be something nutty. We might plan for a certain kind of evening and end up with something light years removed from it.
But that is the joy of our 102 days, the unpredictability of it; the only predictable part is that Terry and I know that during the course of the day we will have sex. No excuses, no 'I'm too tired', 'I have a headache' excuses. There is no fear of rejection from each other during this time, no 'what if he/she says no?' because we have to say yes!
Terry blogged about this a couple of weeks ago and mentioned that this was a little tougher than he originally thought. Here is what he said, "You might be thinking, “But you’re a guy- don’t they have sex on the brain all the time?” Well, the truth is, although we might think of it a lot, the body is not always so willing, especially when the event is occurring every single day. The stresses and busyness of the daily life sometimes have left me with more inclination for sleep than for sex."
I am seeing only benefits to this though - we are a lot more aware of our appearance, both in the bedroom and out. I am on a mission anyway to get fit again after Xavier's birth, but this gives me added incentive. We touch each other more during the course of the day, and tend to sit close together even when performing separate tasks. We text each other and call, just to say 'I love you'. In some ways it is like we are courting again, but with the added benefit of years of intimacy attached to the thrill of dating. And because we know each other so well, we look for ways to keep things spicy and fresh. We talk more, and we are a couple of talkers anyway! But subjects that might in the past have been uncomfortable for us to discuss, we chat about with ease. We are more sensitive to each other while at the same time not being scared to express our thoughts on everything ranging from sex to salvation.
Every marriage has its share of disagreements. Terry and I over 15 years of marriage have managed pretty well to 'not let the sun go down on your wrath' (Ephesians 4:26) but there have been a couple of times the ill feelings have crept into the bedroom with us. Well, knowing I am going to be intimate with someone later on that day makes me rethink how upset I get about piddly little things. Am I really going to get bent out of shape because he didn't do something, or because he didn't say something?
We have asked each other what we will do once the 102 days of sex is over. We're not sure, but I did tease Terry that perhaps we should go for 365 days - like
this couple!!Labels: 101 days, chocolate, Cynthia, experiment, Fox News, Port Royal, sex, Terry
I'm the mother of a 19 year old
But I still feel 19 myself! I was 22 when Warrick was born. I was fairly young to be a mother, but quite honestly, choosing to keep Warrick was the best decision I made. I was in college, finishing out my degree, almost penniless and single. The odds were stacked against us, however as I look at our oldest son I stand in amazement at God's grace and mercy on our lives.
Warrick is one of the most mature, most steady and most loyal people I know. In his entire life I have only seen him lose his temper twice, but I have seen him take joy in simple pleasures. He is non-demanding, understanding, giving and loving. When I look at this young man I really do thank God for what I see.
He asked a couple of weeks ago what his budget was for his birthday. He's been 'jonesing' for a new TV for a while. We came up with a figure and he went searching. Craigslist came through for him and he found an almost new 50 inch TV for sale that was in his price limit (he had to put a bit towards it). He and Terry went and fetched it on Thursday and seldom have I seen his face light up so brightly!
The piece de resistance was the surprise birthday party that we put together. As impetuous as I am, I do like to plan ahead for things like birthday parties, so I was surprised when, with 48 hours before his actual birthday Terry suggested we throw a surprise party. And yet we had many people turn up, even with such short notice.
God has blessed this young man tremendously, and I am thankful. We have come a long way since the day of his birth in Pretoria South Africa 19 years ago. And I know the Lord has good things in store for his future.
Labels: birth, Birthday, craigslist, teenager, Warrick
Hitting the Double Digits
Garrick is our fourth child to make it to double digits. I am amazed they've all lived that long quite frankly! We must be doing something right - although all of our kids, Garrick included - have had their share of bumps, bruises, cuts, scrapes, stitches and broken bones.
As I was getting ready for the day I thought back to the night Garrick was born - he was our first child delivered at home. In retrospect it was one of the wisest decisions we made: if we had chosen to deliver at the birthing center (where both his older sisters were born), he undoubtably would have been delivered in the minivan on the side of Southfield Freeway. From the first contraction to his birth was under 50 minutes; he might have decided to arrive after his due date, but when he made an entrance, he was certainly dramatic!
And some things never change - Garrick is a natural comedian (inherited his Dad's quick wit), and talented actor (again, shades of Terry); he has an excellent voice and is very musically gifted. But most of all, he is boy who loves Jesus.
On Friday night a group of friends will come over and a videogame-a-thon is planned - we are bringing out the Wii, the Playstation, and the Nintendo. Sleep is optional - and I doubt very much that it is on the cards!
Labels: birth, Birthday, drama, Garrick, homebirth, Nintendo, playstation, Wii
Tri-ng
Little Xavier turned eight weeks yesterday! He looks more like his father every day and his parents are quite literally glowing! Their lives have been completely transformed with the arrival of their son, and I couldn't be more thrilled.
Those of you who knew me after our fifth child Carson was born, will know that I lost all the weight after having our own children. You may also remember that between pregnancies (most notably between Hayley and Garrick) I didn't lose all the weight. As a result when I delivered Garrick I was much heavier than I would have liked. BUT, I lost it all!
Carrying four babies in under three years has made some changes to this body. Although I didn't gain a lot of weight with the twins, what weight I did gain I didn't lose because I knew I would be getting pregnant again. So when Jackson came along in April 2007 I was about as heavy as I was when I delivered Garrick. I dropped the baby weight pretty quickly, but again was stuck with the extra pounds that I just didn't lose after the twins. I was also a little 'hamstrung' because I fell during my pregnancy with Jackson and broke two toes on my right foot. Plus, I experienced painful braxton-hicks contractions from about 20 weeks into that pregnancy. Walking more than a block would bring one long 45 minute contraction so painful I would have to stop whatever I was doing and lie down. I would like to think I am not a pain wimp, after all I do natural child birth, but man, those puppies hurt!
After Jackson was born I did try to lose the weight, and was successful in dropping all the baby weight in the first 6 weeks. He was born in April, and by the end of May we were 'matched' with our third couple and there was talk that we might try for a July transfer. My then-OB had given me the go-ahead. Knowing I was going to get pregnant again caused all thought of trying to shed extra pounds go out the window! Well, July never materialised, August was out because the parents were in Spain visiting family, and then there were delays because of medications that weren't working properly. However every month there was a chance we'd be transferring. I therefore started my eighth pregnancy at the highest weight I had ever been in a non-pregnant state.
All of that back story to say that after Xavier was born I became determined to lose the weight. Unfortunately the contractions I experienced with Jackson I experienced with this last pregnancy and so my exercise was severely curtailed. Who wants to exercise knowing that walking for 10 minutes will land you on the couch for 45? I swam a fair bit, and that probably kept me from gaining too much.
Two weeks after Xavier was born I started working out. My goal was just to lose the weight and get some muscle tone back. But Xavier's mom has given me a challenge. She completed a marathon while I was pregnant and she was training for a 150 mile bike ride from San Antonio to Corpus to raise money for MS.
But she is also training for a triathlon. She challenged me to participate in the triathlon as well. The more I thought about it, the more it appealed to me. It gives me a specific goal, and a deadline - something I work well under. And because the triathlon is not until next spring, I have time to train.
Now I am working hard to participate in my very first (and possibly last!) triathlon. I am glad I have several months to get ready because I am really out of shape - it is quite pathetic! When I started working out two weeks after Xavier was born I could only walk 1 or 1.5 miles at a slow three miles an hour pace. I can now walk 4.25 miles in just under 55 minutes. I will be adding running to that this week, and then increasing the distance. The first time I tried cycling I could barely do three miles!
I feel so much better, with more energy and definitely more healthy - and people are noticing the change in my shape. Although I still have 25-30 lbs to lose, I am confident I can do it. My goal is to lose most of that by Christmas, and the rest in January. But more than that, my goal is to be fit and ready so that when I join an official triathlon team next March and being team training for the May triathlon that I can keep up with the team and actually do well!
Labels: braxton-hicks, pregnancy, running, training, triathlon, walking, Xavier
Serene Sunday
Our church offers three (actually four) services these days. A Saturday night service, two Sunday morning services and most recently a Sunday afternoon Spanish service. Terry teaches in the 11:00am service and now also teaches in the Spanish service. He loves teaching the kids and has great fun - but it makes for a long day for him.
I decided to attend the 9:00am service today and then take our four younger kids, and a neighburhood kid, Amanda, to the
San Antonio Zoo. My in-laws kindly bought us the family membership as a Christmas gift last year, and we generally make good use of it. Today was the perfect day to go - the crowds were down, the weather was fine, 93 was the high, but there was no or little humidity. The animals were out in full force, and the kids were filled with energy. San Antonio Zoo is very pretty, with many points of interesting architecture, and is surrounded by a park, with the
Witte Museum and the
Japanese Tea Gardens nearby.
The kids did have a good time - we go so often these days that they know exactly when a new animal is on exhibit, and if something is out of place!
Garrick and Teagan
Carson
Amanda and Hayley
Labels: Amanda, Carson, Garrick, Hayley Teagan, Japanese Tea Garde, Witte, Zoo
School Days or is that Daze?
By now most of the nation's school kids have started school. Our kids actually started back on August 25th, the week before Labor Day. I think the Texas school system is slowly working towards starting after Labor Day and ending the school year closer to the middle of June, rather than the beginning of June. Perhaps one reason they like to end the year a little earlier is the heat - our summer here starts in April and ends in November, with the hottest months between May and August. If they extend school through June, the cooling bill must be astronomical - especially when one looks at the June we just experienced.
Anyway, the kids started school. This year I had to spend big bucks to kit the kids - not so much in school supplies, but in clothes. Teagan has grown 8 inches since last year and now is only 1.5 inches shorter than me. I noticed most of her clothes were too short, so we held an impromptu fashion show a month ago and at the end of it she had two pairs of jeans, one shirt, and two t-shirts that fit her! Hayley inherited many of her clothes as a result. Garrick was in the same boat - he'd outgrown all of his pants, and quite a few of his shirts. Unfortunately, unlike the girls who can share many of the same things, Garrick and Carson are built completely differently. Garrick is in Slim, Carson in Regular. So we hied ourselves off to Ross, WalMart, Kohls and Marshalls, and $700 later all four kids were outfitted. I have never spent that much in one season on clothes! It was insane - but they needed everything from underwear out. I haven't even got around to the shoes yet - I know that is coming though. Teagan and I are wearing the same size shoe (for now) which is fun for both of us. I teased her and told her that if she grew any more, I wanted her shoes.
So, here are the first day of school photos - Garrick has peanut butter on his cheek, and the mark between his eyes was a spider bite that was just subsiding.
Garrick and Carson
Teagan and Hayley
Labels: Carson, clothes, first day, Garrick, Hayley Teagan, Kohls, Marshalls, Photo, Ross, school, WalMart
